On Resilience - Reflecting On A Tough Year
I persistently choose to rise, even when every fiber of my being wants to surrender. I can't pinpoint why I don't just stay down; all I know is, I must get back up.
Life has a way of presenting us with unexpected challenges, moments that force us to question our path. Often, these moments are deeply personal, the kind most keep locked away, shielded from the prying eyes of the world. Why share it? It doesn’t help your brand and other’s perceptions of you.
Yet, sometimes, sharing these experiences can be cathartic. While I never envisioned sharing this piece with the world, I've come to realize that in doing so, I'm not just writing for myself, but for just even one person to feel a little less alone in their shared human experience.
The past year has been a roller coaster, to say the least.
I moved from San Francisco back to Philly to be with my longtime college sweetheart. I had attended school in Philly for my engineering degree but relocated to San Francisco immediately after college to work in the valley.
A month after my return, in November 2022, I was laid off from Oracle Cloud, where I had been working as a Solutions Architect. I had never experienced a layoff before. It's an odd sensation. I've been told I wasn't the right fit [1] for a job in the past, but being laid off was a new experience.
Layoffs are surreal. One week, you're discussing roadmaps with your manager, and the next, you're informed by your senior VP that your role has been eliminated, with a month's notice.
I believe most people's initial reaction would mirror mine: "What?"
On Resilience — November 2022
I've always seen myself as persistent. I detest feeling defeated. While I can be down, I never want to remain that way.
So, I promptly reached out to various senior leaders at Oracle, informing them of my search for a new role. I applied in the internal Oracle job site. I scheduled multiple interviews a day across roles, functions, teams, and organizations. I left no stone unturned.
With the economy in turmoil and the rise of AI making headlines, my primary concern was getting a new role.
Within two weeks, I secured a position in another Oracle global business unit (GBU). I was elated at how swiftly I had managed to network, schedule multiple interviews daily, and ultimately secure this role. Things were looking up! I archived my Notion job tracking spreadsheet.
However, my future manager informed me of a slight delay in starting due to a company-wide internal hiring freeze at Oracle. They estimated the wait might be a month or longer. I agreed to wait.
On Resilience — April 2023
Two weeks turned into a month, then two, and then three. By April 2023, I received a disheartening call from the manager.
"Hey Jacky, we tried our best to get upper management's approval, but we couldn't. We're truly sorry."
How many can say they've been laid off twice in six months? I don't have the numbers, but I was among them.
Describing my emotions is challenging, but "complicated" seems apt.
Determined, I resumed my job search, unarchiving my Notion spreadsheet that tracked my progress.
On Resilience — May 2023
A month later, I received another job offer, one I couldn't have dreamed of. I owe my friend Jonathan Ng for the introduction.
I would be working with generative AI daily, at the forefront of technology, utilizing all my past skills in coding, marketing, product, evangelism, communication, and writing. I was part of a rapidly-growing AI startup, securing major healthcare clients. The company was on the way up!
However, as the title of this essay suggests, another twist awaited.
In September 2023, during an unexpected all-hands meeting, our CEO announced a restructuring. Shortly after, I received an email with the subject "Next Steps", notifying me of my termination.
The news was a blur. First, I chuckled in disbelief, then screamed in shock, and finally, I was consumed by grief. This wasn't just the loss of a job; it felt like the shattering of a dream.
On Resilience — September 2023
To me, resilience means enduring hardships, rising after setbacks, and allowing oneself time to grieve and process pain. It means accepting a range of emotions and understanding that it's okay to feel exhausted without any apparent reason.
However, constantly being resilient is exhausting.
Yet, I persistently choose to rise, even when every fiber of my being wants to surrender. I can't pinpoint why I don't just stay down.
All I know is — I refuse to give up. I will never give up. I can be pushed down, but I choose to stand back up.
At Looker, in 2018, I was asked by my new manager whether software development is what I wanted to do the rest of my life. In trying to save my job, I said yes. I didn't want to be out of the job. It turns out in the hurt of that initial asking of the question, it was the right question to ask. Since professional software development was in fact not what I wanted to do the rest of my life. I found my footing as a product person soon after.